Plastic Jars

Just thought i'd mention how awesome it is that google ads decided my blog is related to "Plastic Jars." For some reason, Google's relevant advertising thinks people looking for mixed metaphors area also looking for cheap glass or plastic jars.

I'll try to come up with a mixed metaphor about jars:
Caught with your red hand in the cookie jar

Here's another one off the top of my head:
Break a leg to stand on.

You mean 'cousin?'

Son of a monkey's uncle!

(My friend Rich B. said this one day, and it's amazing)

Three don'ts

Don't chew with your mouth full.

Don't speak with your mouth open.

Don't go swimming on an empty stomach.

Tomorrow I'll try to come up with some Dos.

Never means never!

When pigs freeze over

(My mommy came up with this one! I love my mommy!)

Give a horse a pickle and he eats for a day...

You can look a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't make him drink.

Also, a bonus mixed metaphor!
My boss said this once and it still confuses me to this day: "We're in a pickle, so tell us what we can do to get out of the jar."

An honest job

Keep your nose clean on the grindstone

Paitience, Pyromaniac

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

This mixed metaphor is impressive because it's a result of convergent evolution; my friend Rich and I both came up with it independently. I don't know exactly how he came up with it, probably just a result of his smartness, but in my case I actually heard someone at work use a variation on it, "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

Rich also wrote me with a bunch of mixed metaphors he came up with. Please enjoy them as much as I did!

"If the shoe fits, walk a mile in it."

"When you assume, you make an ass from a hole in the ground."

"Not the sharpest bulb in the drawer."

"creme de la d'etat" (this is a Fench mixed metaphor!)

It's about time!

Hit the final nail in the coffin on the head

News: I'm going to start making drawings to accompany the mixed metaphors. Get ready for your collective minds to be blown!

Also, I was reading an article about these new beer bottles that can be reused as bricks. Someone made the following comment in relation to the article: Man who live in glass bottle house should not throw parties.

I guess you have puppets?

I was in a class today and the teacher used the expression "The left hand's not talking to the right hand." I think he was thinking "The left side of the brain not talking to right side" or "The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing." but it didn't come out right.

Also, I came back to my desk and I overheard my boss say, referring to some Casanova, "The women flocked to him like chickens." I don't even know what she was talking about.

This made me think of an even better mixed metaphor: The women flocked to him like chickens with their heads cut off.

I never imagined that so many people used mixed metaphors every day. It seems like every day there's more. One a day is not even a challenge.

Silent but deadly?

Walk softly and carry an ugly-stick.

More Guest Submissions

I love my friends, and they're coming up with mixed metaphors now too! Here's a few:

"You can't have the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and eat it too."

"Give peace a break." (a friend saw this, a fake John McCain campaign slogan)

"It begs three questions." from a book a friend of a friend was reading.
(For more information on begging the question, click here)

An inspirational message

Winning is half the battle.

I also thought of this one: Knowledge is half-full. I know that's how I feel sometimes.

Guest-submitted: Nobody is acknowledging the pink elephant in the room.

Another bonus from real life: Today I heard someone say that something "tweaked her interest," and "I smell a ratatouille." There are plenty more out there, so keep your thinking caps peeled, and send them my way!

Sounds like a fair trade

A bird in the hand gets the worm.

Try as you might...

You can't squeeze moss from a rolling stone.

Not exactly a mixed metaphor, more like a mixed pickup line. My friend called and had come up with this mixup to an already gross pickup line: "Hey baby, got any Irish in that coffee? Want some?" I take no responsibility for this one.

So easy!

It's like taking bath water from a baby.

Not a mixed metaphor, but today I heard someone say "The world is at a breaking point, literally." I love it when people incorrectly use the world literally. Kevin asked me the other day what it would mean if someone said "that sandwich gave me heartburn, literally." Does the expression heartburn which is a metaphor in itself, does that get modified to mean literally the heart is burning? Or is the concept of 'getting heart burn' usually figurative but the speaker is clarifying that it is actually happening.

I hope it's the former.

Bad Directional Sense

He couldn't find his way out of his ass or a hole in the ground.

Bonus mixed metaphor I heard someone say today: Someone referring to a dream as "a puzzle I longed to unlock." This is not as funny as the mixed-expressions I'll be posting every day, but this is a good example of a mixed metaphor for those of us who like English grammar; the metaphor begins comparing a dream to a puzzle, but then changes the metaphor to compare it to a locked door.
Check in tomorrow for another mixed metaphor.

Wait for it...

Don't shoot until their eyes are bigger than their stomachs.

It pays to listen

A penny for your two cents.