Whomping Weeping Willow

You beat me to the bush

I'm on the edge of my rope

Aw shoot! Cut it out!

A couple mixed metaphors from Kevin:

“We’re prebleeding-edge early,” said Todd Pelman, founder of Blue Green Pacific

"this is my guess, shooting from the holster"

Devil's food

The devil is in the pudding.

Fun and Easy?

A new mixed metaphor from my new friend Adele:

It's like shooting fish in a barrel of monkeys.

[Can't think of a punny title]

A few more have been running through my head. For some reason I really like the last one. The first one reminds me of Happy Days.

You made your bed, now sit on it!

Leave no stone un-squeezed

Don't count your chickens before walking on eggshells

Don't count your chickens before the horse.

Mixed Metaphors of a Feather Flock Together

A stone in the hand killed two birds in the bush
Silly goose chase
Cut to the wild goose chase

Eqqus Sensory Perception

A sixth horse sense.

(I came up with that pun, I'm so proud of it!!!)

You call that daily!?!?

Yea yea, I know. I've been delinquent in my mixed metaphors. however, I have a lot of friends that are much more productive than me. Here is a new batch that I hope you will enjoy:

From me:
What's good for the goose isn't good for a wild goose chase.
You dropped the ball, and now it's in your court.
Another day, another dollar short.

From Rob:
Don't throw stones in a glass bottom boat.
All bark and no bite makes Jack a dull boy.
Let's get straight to beating around the bush.
(That last one reminds me of one from the Rutles: "he grabbed the wrong end of the stick, and preceded to beat around the bush with it.")

From Jen M:
Someone asked me, "Hey do you have tickets to the gun show? Cuz those pythons are sick!" Hello mixed metaphor!

From Gio:
A glass half full is better than no loaf at all.
Up shit creek without a pot to piss in.

I just thought of one:
People who see the glass as half full shouldn't throw stones.

Like a puddin'

I heard this today and it boggles my mind:

The proof of the pudding is in the eating.

Edit: So my friend Cindy pointed out that the incorrect saying is "The proof is in the pudding." - this is actually a legitimate saying! So I have to retract this one, since it is not a mixed metaphor.

But I will just add this: The proof of the pudding is eating a horse.
(This isn't too far off, since gelatin is made from hooves and bones.)

Chocolate chip off the old block

I guess an optimist gets caught with their hand in the half-full cookie jar.

Nailed!

From Rich:
A nail in the coffin is worth two in the bush.

which made me think:
It's like finding a nail in a bush.

Also last night Rob and I came up with:
You made your boat, now sleep in it.
(Its not really too clear where the boat came from, but it amused us).

Bat-horse?

I was playing a game last night called catch-phrase. You are given a random word or phrase and you have to get your teammates to guess it before the timer runs out. Anyway, my phrase was "needle in a haystack." So I say, "this thing is so hard to find, it's like finding..." And one of my teammates yells out:

"A horse in a cave."

Odd exchange rate

Wooden nickels are a dime-a-dozen.

I put the apple cart before the horse!

An apple a day doesn't fall far from the tree.
or
An apple a day doesn't fall far from my eye.

Straight from the gift-horse's mouth.

Take a seat.

Flying by the seat of my teeth.

The seat of my pants are on the edge of my seat.
or
On the edge of my seat of my pants.

The seat of my pants are hanging by a thread.

You're a slacker.

Pick up and cut me some slack.

Little birdies talk a lot.

A little birdie told me that I have a gift horse in my throat.

A little birdie told me that it is worth two in the bush.

That makes cents.

So we all know the awesome "A penny for your two cents." But there are many more expressions that use money, so I thought I'd mix them up a little.

A penny saved is a penny earned; that's my two cents.

I can stop on a wooden nickel.

Another day, another wooden nickel.

If you see a wooden nickel, don't pick up a cent.

The buck stops on a dime.

And this is not a mixed metaphor exactly, but I think its amusing:
Statistic: A quarter of all operations are two-bit.

Raining

I know I've been posting a lot, but I've been inspired by a lot of things I've heard. By the way, it's not raining here in Israel.

When it rains it rains cats and dogs.

It's raining pins and needles

Bovine flautist.

Why pay the piper when you can have the milk for free?

LOLspeak Mixed Metaphor

RMAO

A little horse

You can lead a dead horse to water, but you can't look it in the mouth.

I'm so hungry I could kick a dead horse in the mouth.

here's one I made with Rich:
The early bird killed the cat with 1 stone.

here's some more. Birds are fun:
There's more than one way to kill 2 birds with one stone.

A bird in the hand is worth two you kill with one stone.

It's a Gala event

The apple of my eye keeps the doctor away.

Fake straw

Two I thought of recently:

Fake it 'til ya join 'em.

This is the last straw in the haystack.

And here's one that is maybe good... maybe not:
If life gives you lemons, make limelight.

BBW, enjoys whistling & ending things

Does this count?

It's not over till the fat lady whistles Dixie.

Cuts like a knife... that's not a knife! This is a knife!

Cry me a river of crocodile tears.

The 3 wise men followed the fireworks...

Another one from Twin Peaks. Referring to the RR diner, Hank says:

"We're gonna trip this place out like Christmas on the 4th of July!"

A small one

I was watching home movies and Brendan said a mixed metaphor that is out of this world, although this is a fully intentional one:

Fate is a cruel snake, with bitter herbs and spices.

So I was just thinking:

Hell hath no fury like freezing over.

GMT+2

It's been a while, but I want to check in with a few new ones!

I woke up on the wrong side of the tracks.
or
The grass is always greener on the wrong side of the tracks.

The early bird opens up a can of worms.

Curiosity killed two birds with one stone.

Don't reinvent the squeaky wheel.
or
Reinvent the wheel and the world will beat a path to your door.

Twin Metaphors

So this is the third one from watching Twin Peaks. It's pretty amazing.

Donna: "Get the picture?"
Mattie: "Loud and clear."

Good old fashioned Lynching.

I was just watching Twin Peaks, and heard two amusing mixed metaphors.

1. Discussing Laura Palmer's addiction to cocaine, Audrey said she had "a sweet tooth for nose candy."
2. Pete Martel says he's "So tired" "you could eat a horse." finished Josie Packard.

Which got me thinking:
I'm so tired, I could look a gift horse in the mouth.

No sweat (I wish)

I was sitting here in the sweating stinky heat and I said to Rich:

Stick a fork in me, I'm ripe.

Automatic Thumb Twiddler 2000

Lying in bed and I can't sleep. I came up with a mixed metaphor though:

Idle hands are the mother of invention.

Wash your hands, its time for supper...

Came up with this doosey today:

Don't shit on the hand that feeds you.

Livin' la vida lleno.

Hey all. It's been a while, I've been traveling a lot, haven't had a chance to update the list. I'm sure I'll do more when I'm in Israel, but here's a quickie from my friend Shari - she heard it on the bus:

You've gotta live life to the fullest to the brim.

Like an only twin!

Ok, so I was in Boston this past weekend, and I was walking around Back Bay at night when I passed by this store, which is a mixed metaphor:

A Pea in the Pod!

(They sell maternity clothes - in case you don't get the mixup, its between "Two peas in a pod" and "A bun in the oven.")

Sounds like a vampire fight..

My friend Mara just wrote me this one, she heard it on the radio:

"We tried to fight them tooth and neck"

and this one:

"They thought I had a grudge to grind"

Driving crazy

My good friend Gio made this, driving directions composed entirely of metaphors:

Where the sun don't shine?

My friend Cindy just sent me this one:

She was at a talk and a woman was talking about a cleaner and how it would "make your faucet shine as bright as a baby's bottom"

Tooth Ache

I am leaving my job at UBS. I am going through my old notes and I came across this, scribbled at the top of the page from around September 7 2006:

"Beat a dead horse in the mouth."

I burst out laughing. Now I have to sit down and go through all of these notes to see if there are any other gems.

Please write legibly.

I was reading an article about how Microsoft is moving quickly to their next operating system and came across this gem:

I think Microsoft saw the handwriting on the wall early on.

http://www.eweek.com/c/a/Windows/Microsoft-gives-up-on-Vista/

Wicked

A while ago Kevin sent me this one, I forgot to add it to the list:
Burning the midnight candle from both ends.

Isn't that a Wesley Willis song?

Watching Naked Gun 2 1/2 and I had to bring you this mixed metaphor, from the files of the police squad:
Looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Atomic Strangle-Hold

My boss used a great expression today. I think it's a mixed metaphor, I don't really know for sure. We're discussing some issue she doesn't understand, and asked someone to fill out some data in a spreadsheet "Just so I can get my hands wrapped around it." (I think she meant to say wrap her brain wrapped around it). Sounds like a Freudian slip, and she wants to strangle this guy!

Pick a cart, any cart.

Don't count the cart before the horse
or
Which came first, the cart or the horse?

Ever wake up and felt something sticky?

Wake up on the wrong end of the stick.

Water-berg

This is coming from my friend Cindy. She told me she was listening to NPR a couple of days ago and referring to peace talks (I think in Israel) that they were 'only melting the tip of the iceberg.'

Dogwood?

Barking up the wrong tree is worse than his bite.

I realize that this blog isn't really living up to its title. When I started it Kevin predicted this exact problem, and suggested I call it "Frequent Mixed Metaphor" or "Periodic Mixed Metaphor" but they just don't sound as good, do they?

Your eyes say everything

I was listening to a G. Love song and he used the lyric "speak eye-to-eye"

Hairballs

I've been kindof sick recently, I have a bit of a cough, so the following just came to mind:
Coughing up cats and dogs.

Yellow

Watching the Simpsons and Homer said, "They ran away like schoolgirls with their tails between their legs."

Read between the felines.

This one came to mind yesterday:
Someone let the cat out of a wet paper bag.

Gio came up with a bunch of variations on the theme of letting the cat out of the bag:
We'll bag that cat when we get to it.
A rolling bag gathers no cats.
You can lead a cat to a bag but you can't make him drink.
Don't put the bag before the cat.
That's a whole different bag of cats.

And another from me:
I just opened up a bag of cats.

Boing Boing MEOW

This morning I learned a new expression - A dead cat bounce, referring to the recent upturn in the market in the US. Some skeptics are calling it a dead cat bounce, which refers to the idea that even a dead cat will bounce when it falls far enough. What a horrible expression!

Which got me thinking: There's more than one way for a dead cat to bounce.

Mixing it up across the pond

Hey. So I've been in Scotland so I haven't been posting. However I did just see a mixed metaphor in the library where I am writing this post. There was a flyer that said:
Unlocking your hidden heritage
Which I explained to my friend is a mixed metaphor since it mixes a metaphor of a locked door with a hidden treasure. He didn't believe me, but he's wrong. That's ok, I still love him.

So I'll be back in the states next week but to hold you over until then here is one coming from the Clinton campaign.

Pesident Clinton worked the western part of the state while his wife was in the eastern half at the front end of a six-week sprint until Pennsylvania's primary.

"Hillary, Chelsea and I expect to cover Pennsylvania like a wet blanket between now and April 22," he said. -source

Ah, just one more thing

I was watching Columbo, and he said "It's right on the tip of my tongue, and I can't put my finger on it."

Sorry its been a while since I updated this. I'll have to make it up to you somehow.

Puns

Hey, I've realized that I've been pretty consistently adding puns into my posts. I hope you don't mind. All puns are intended.

Irony?

Out of the frying pan and into the kettle black.

Is that called a coup?

2 chickens in every garage.

Pushing it

Ok, so its late and I need to mix a metaphor, so here's something. I never promised they'd be gold, just daily.

The straw can break a camel's back, but it can't make it drink.

Taking 'Charge' - GET IT!?!?

I saw a documentary. The host said "Like matadors, they stepped into the arena and took the bull by the horns."

Woof.

The tail wagging the dog is worse than its bite.

For the birds

There's a lot you can do with with bird clichés.

Birds of a feather catch the worm.
You can't squeeze blood from a bird in the hand.
Light as a feather flocks together.

I'm sure you can think of some as well! Put them in the comments.
I still haven't drawn any pictures. Sorry!

Meatloaf said it better

Read my lips and take the words out of my mouth.

(Oops, I didn't do a mixed metaphor yesterday!)

Well then, is it rocket surgery?

Today my co-worker Johny (who is great) said "It's not brain science."

That one rolled off me like a fish out of water off a duck's back. (that's from Kevin)

With his claws or with his mouth?

There's more than one way for the cat to get your tongue

More giving

From my friend Gio:
I'll give you a piece of my peace of mind.

You should give him a frying pan too

Give a man a fish when he has bigger fish to fry.

Plastic Jars

Just thought i'd mention how awesome it is that google ads decided my blog is related to "Plastic Jars." For some reason, Google's relevant advertising thinks people looking for mixed metaphors area also looking for cheap glass or plastic jars.

I'll try to come up with a mixed metaphor about jars:
Caught with your red hand in the cookie jar

Here's another one off the top of my head:
Break a leg to stand on.

You mean 'cousin?'

Son of a monkey's uncle!

(My friend Rich B. said this one day, and it's amazing)

Three don'ts

Don't chew with your mouth full.

Don't speak with your mouth open.

Don't go swimming on an empty stomach.

Tomorrow I'll try to come up with some Dos.

Never means never!

When pigs freeze over

(My mommy came up with this one! I love my mommy!)

Give a horse a pickle and he eats for a day...

You can look a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't make him drink.

Also, a bonus mixed metaphor!
My boss said this once and it still confuses me to this day: "We're in a pickle, so tell us what we can do to get out of the jar."

An honest job

Keep your nose clean on the grindstone

Paitience, Pyromaniac

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

This mixed metaphor is impressive because it's a result of convergent evolution; my friend Rich and I both came up with it independently. I don't know exactly how he came up with it, probably just a result of his smartness, but in my case I actually heard someone at work use a variation on it, "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

Rich also wrote me with a bunch of mixed metaphors he came up with. Please enjoy them as much as I did!

"If the shoe fits, walk a mile in it."

"When you assume, you make an ass from a hole in the ground."

"Not the sharpest bulb in the drawer."

"creme de la d'etat" (this is a Fench mixed metaphor!)

It's about time!

Hit the final nail in the coffin on the head

News: I'm going to start making drawings to accompany the mixed metaphors. Get ready for your collective minds to be blown!

Also, I was reading an article about these new beer bottles that can be reused as bricks. Someone made the following comment in relation to the article: Man who live in glass bottle house should not throw parties.

I guess you have puppets?

I was in a class today and the teacher used the expression "The left hand's not talking to the right hand." I think he was thinking "The left side of the brain not talking to right side" or "The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing." but it didn't come out right.

Also, I came back to my desk and I overheard my boss say, referring to some Casanova, "The women flocked to him like chickens." I don't even know what she was talking about.

This made me think of an even better mixed metaphor: The women flocked to him like chickens with their heads cut off.

I never imagined that so many people used mixed metaphors every day. It seems like every day there's more. One a day is not even a challenge.

Silent but deadly?

Walk softly and carry an ugly-stick.

More Guest Submissions

I love my friends, and they're coming up with mixed metaphors now too! Here's a few:

"You can't have the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and eat it too."

"Give peace a break." (a friend saw this, a fake John McCain campaign slogan)

"It begs three questions." from a book a friend of a friend was reading.
(For more information on begging the question, click here)

An inspirational message

Winning is half the battle.

I also thought of this one: Knowledge is half-full. I know that's how I feel sometimes.

Guest-submitted: Nobody is acknowledging the pink elephant in the room.

Another bonus from real life: Today I heard someone say that something "tweaked her interest," and "I smell a ratatouille." There are plenty more out there, so keep your thinking caps peeled, and send them my way!

Sounds like a fair trade

A bird in the hand gets the worm.

Try as you might...

You can't squeeze moss from a rolling stone.

Not exactly a mixed metaphor, more like a mixed pickup line. My friend called and had come up with this mixup to an already gross pickup line: "Hey baby, got any Irish in that coffee? Want some?" I take no responsibility for this one.

So easy!

It's like taking bath water from a baby.

Not a mixed metaphor, but today I heard someone say "The world is at a breaking point, literally." I love it when people incorrectly use the world literally. Kevin asked me the other day what it would mean if someone said "that sandwich gave me heartburn, literally." Does the expression heartburn which is a metaphor in itself, does that get modified to mean literally the heart is burning? Or is the concept of 'getting heart burn' usually figurative but the speaker is clarifying that it is actually happening.

I hope it's the former.

Bad Directional Sense

He couldn't find his way out of his ass or a hole in the ground.

Bonus mixed metaphor I heard someone say today: Someone referring to a dream as "a puzzle I longed to unlock." This is not as funny as the mixed-expressions I'll be posting every day, but this is a good example of a mixed metaphor for those of us who like English grammar; the metaphor begins comparing a dream to a puzzle, but then changes the metaphor to compare it to a locked door.
Check in tomorrow for another mixed metaphor.

Wait for it...

Don't shoot until their eyes are bigger than their stomachs.

It pays to listen

A penny for your two cents.