Daily Mixed Metaphor: Driving crazy

My good friend Gio made this, driving directions composed entirely of metaphors:

Full list of Mixed Metaphors

A bird in the hand gets the worm
A penny for your two cents
Break a leg to stand on
Caught with your red hand in the cookie jar
Creme de la d'etat
Don't chew with your mouth full.
Don't go swimming on an empty stomach.
Don't shoot until their eyes are bigger than their stomachs
Don't speak with your mouth open.
Give a man a fish when he has bigger fish to fry
Give peace a break (Kevin L)
He couldn't find his way out of his ass or a hole in the ground
Hit the final nail in the coffin on the head
I'll give you a piece of my peace of mind. (Gio G)
If the shoe fits, walk a mile in it (Rich S)
It's like taking bath water from a baby
Keep your thinking cap peeled (Tim O)
Knowledge is half-full
Nobody is acknowledging the pink elephant in the room (Tim O)
Not the sharpest bulb in the drawer
People who live in glass bottle houses should not throw parties
Son of a monkey's uncle
The left hand's not talking to the right hand
The women flocked to him like chicken with their heads cut off
There's more than one way for the cat to get your tongue
Walk softly and carry an ugly-stick
We'll burn that bridge when we come to it (Rich S)
We're in a pickle, so tell us what we can do to get out of the jar
When pigs freeze over
When you assume, you make an ass from a hole in the ground (Rich S)
Winning is half the battle
You can look a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't make him drink
You can't have the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and eat it too (Cindy C)
You can't squeeze moss from a rolling stone

Daily Mixed Metaphor