Plastic Jars

Just thought i'd mention how awesome it is that google ads decided my blog is related to "Plastic Jars." For some reason, Google's relevant advertising thinks people looking for mixed metaphors area also looking for cheap glass or plastic jars.

I'll try to come up with a mixed metaphor about jars:
Caught with your red hand in the cookie jar

Here's another one off the top of my head:
Break a leg to stand on.

You mean 'cousin?'

Son of a monkey's uncle!

(My friend Rich B. said this one day, and it's amazing)

Three don'ts

Don't chew with your mouth full.

Don't speak with your mouth open.

Don't go swimming on an empty stomach.

Tomorrow I'll try to come up with some Dos.

Never means never!

When pigs freeze over

(My mommy came up with this one! I love my mommy!)

Give a horse a pickle and he eats for a day...

You can look a gift horse in the mouth, but you can't make him drink.

Also, a bonus mixed metaphor!
My boss said this once and it still confuses me to this day: "We're in a pickle, so tell us what we can do to get out of the jar."

An honest job

Keep your nose clean on the grindstone

Paitience, Pyromaniac

We'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

This mixed metaphor is impressive because it's a result of convergent evolution; my friend Rich and I both came up with it independently. I don't know exactly how he came up with it, probably just a result of his smartness, but in my case I actually heard someone at work use a variation on it, "We'll jump off that bridge when we come to it."

Rich also wrote me with a bunch of mixed metaphors he came up with. Please enjoy them as much as I did!

"If the shoe fits, walk a mile in it."

"When you assume, you make an ass from a hole in the ground."

"Not the sharpest bulb in the drawer."

"creme de la d'etat" (this is a Fench mixed metaphor!)

It's about time!

Hit the final nail in the coffin on the head

News: I'm going to start making drawings to accompany the mixed metaphors. Get ready for your collective minds to be blown!

Also, I was reading an article about these new beer bottles that can be reused as bricks. Someone made the following comment in relation to the article: Man who live in glass bottle house should not throw parties.

I guess you have puppets?

I was in a class today and the teacher used the expression "The left hand's not talking to the right hand." I think he was thinking "The left side of the brain not talking to right side" or "The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing." but it didn't come out right.

Also, I came back to my desk and I overheard my boss say, referring to some Casanova, "The women flocked to him like chickens." I don't even know what she was talking about.

This made me think of an even better mixed metaphor: The women flocked to him like chickens with their heads cut off.

I never imagined that so many people used mixed metaphors every day. It seems like every day there's more. One a day is not even a challenge.

Silent but deadly?

Walk softly and carry an ugly-stick.